Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

—Marianne Williamson

I am destined for great things.  I am strong.  I am capable. I have a great deal to offer the world. 

My son is destined for great things.  His heart is pure.  He has an amazing understanding of others.  He loves easily and freely.  He will make a difference in the world.  His light will brighten the lives of many.

Keirsey' PersonalityZone - Temperament and Your Career

Keirsey' PersonalityZone - Temperament and Your Career: "The most sensitive of the Idealists is the Healer (INFP). While their list of jobs may echo that of other Idealists, they are more drawn to express their own unique vision of the world than all other types, so their work cannot help but be unique. They interpret their visions in the world of music, art, entertainment, or dance. As a professor or teacher, counselor or social worker, they often unlock the mysteries of life for those they encounter. In business they are drawn to organizational development and human resources careers. They may have a religious calling or seek work as a librarian. Their careers need to be in alignment with their personal values. Says Kay, 'I chose health education so I could touch the lives of others to help them make better choices about their lives. I know I've done some good.'
All Idealists seek to have a life of meaning, to help themselves and others grow to be the best that they can be. They do not want to be a copycat of someone else, but want to be seen as a unique and valuable individual."

I feel like I don't know who I truly am...  I keep trying to figure it out; hang out with these people today, those another day, and more the next time.  It is as if I am searching for myself through these other people.  Am I really going to find myself by looking to others?  I am guessing not...  So, until I figure it out I need to steer clear.  I seem to simply disappoint folks. I have trouble expressing to them why I no longer answer calls or respond to texts.  I don't really even know why.  Maybe it's fear of getting too close, being hurt... who knows!  One of these days I will figure it all out, and maybe then I will be able to be a friend.

Hmmmmm...

Clean the house...live in the house...clean the house...
Make the bed...sleep in the bed...make the bed...
Mow the lawn...water the lawn...mow the lawn...fertilize the lawn...mow the lawn...
Wash the clothes...wear the clothes...wash the clothes...
Work...pay the bills...work...
Wash the car...drive the car...wash the car...
Fight...make up...fight...
Love...hate...dislike...like...love...
Work hard...live life...die...



Hmmmmm...What's the point?

Life Should Be a Musical

I often say, "Life should be a musical."  Think about it...Can you really be unhappy around someone who sings everything?  Now, I know.  Not everyone can sing.  Keep in mind that the chance of life actually being a musical is nill...no need to worry about the nonexistent world being filled with screeching singers.
There are days when songs pop into my mind as a response to a comment or situation.  Yesterday I was talking with someone about people not getting along and the tension it creates.  I decided to try out the whole burst out with the song that comes to mind.  I sang a little bit of that song...ummm...well I don't know the name of it, but there's a part that says, "people are people so why should it be..." that I remember, so I sang that and added in some jerking twitching type dance moves.  We laughed.  That's almost as good as life actually being a musical.

Lessons

One of the most important and difficult lessons I have ever learned was taught by, of all people, a restaurant manager.  As a waitress I encountered many people, and each of those people brought their own realities accompanied by an assortment of moods.  The manager explained the importance of accepting and understanding this in order to better serve the customer.  The person I was serving could have recently received devastating news which might result in them lashing out at me...the person who was just there to serve them a meal.  I had to read that mood and respond in a way that either let them be or maybe allowed them a brief escape from that reality.  Those were usually the most challenging customers.  The ones who came in feeling that their world was just right typically posed no problem.  The key was to take the time and be present when talking with them.  Pay attention...listen...consider their feelings... 
It doesn't make any sense to me that a restaurant manager is the only person to have ever stated this simple truth.

Realizations

I cannot believe it is already 2010...I realize everyone says that, but it's my blog and I'll say what I want!


At first glance the past 37 years haven't amounted to much.  But then memories and thoughts come to mind  showing that not to be true.  I have made it through some difficult times and feel that I am better because of those trials.  Divorce is something I never imagined, but it did indeed find its way into the story of my life.  Though at that time I did think life was over, I now know that because of the struggle to pull through I have become a stronger and more confident person.  I can remember mowing the lawn... all by myself...for the first time, purchasing a car, getting the tags, selling a house, and purchasing a new one.  Talk about empowering.  I found that I could provide all Houston needed, not only in a materialistic manner, but also emotionally.  Houston and I are close...we talk about everything...we laugh  A LOT...and we say I Love You all the time.  What more could I ask for?  I am in my 15th year of teaching.  Accomplishment.  I have been able to reach a few students and hopefully have made a little bit of a difference in their lives.  How can I possibly look back upon the past 37 years and think I have done nothing?  It is time to celebrate the everyday victories.  It is time to value ME. 
I plan to have a spectacular 2010.  Who knows, maybe Houston and I will be even stronger and happier at this time in 2011.  All it takes is knowing our purpose and keeping our eyes on God.